Fake It 'til You Make It?

Once you get on that train, it's hard to get off

It has been estimated by various studies that 70% of women fake orgasms at some point in their sexual lives. Some fake it every time, while others just save it for when they're too tired and don't want to disappoint their hard-working lover. Personally, I fall into the 'sometimes' catergory, but I've learned that it's a slippery slope.

I faked it with one ex simply because he just didn't do it for me. The sex eventually fizzled out anyway, and the relationship followed shortly after. Honestly, there was very little chance of him ever being able to get me there, so whilst the logic is somewhat bizarre, having fake ones seemed to be a comfortable stop-over between it's-not-working-but-maybe-if-I-give-it-time and let's-break-up.

The next guy I started faking it with was a totally different story - there was intense sexual chemistry between us, but he was too rough and clumsy to get me there, and not particularly happy to take directions from me. I figured it deserved some time, as there sexual attraction was there. I was right -
after about three months of faking it, something changed, and for whatever reason, he suddenly started ticking the box. Great news! I didn't have to fake it any more. I figured I'd simply cut down on the faking it, seamlessly replacing the fakies with real orgasms, in a way that was unnoticeable to the naked eye.

Unfortunately, my plan didn't quite work out; apparently it's not so easy to hop off this train when you've reached your destination. He noticed that something was different - suddenly I was taking longer to reach orgasm, and having fewer than I was before.

I tried to explain myself with some crap about how these orgasms were better than the ones I'd been having before... it was utterly unconvincing, but what else could I say? Thankfully, as ridiculous as my excuse was, he bought it, because deep down, he (and many, many other men across the globe) would never actually have believed that I, a woman, had been faking it, so convincingly, so many times. And more importantly, the unavoidable truth about how this reflected on his ability to get me off.

What is slightly worrying is that for the longest time, this was a secret that was closely guarded by women, but now, men are on to us. Thankfully, their ego's are still an obstacle in really seeing this issue clearly. Though, they're not entirely to blame - there wouldn't be anything to see at all if we weren't being deceptive in the first place.

I suspect that the underlying reason for doing this is basically the same: to avoid facing the truth that sex with this person just isn't working, and ensuing feelings of failure and inadequacy. Maybe we worry that we'll never have good sex again, and we're suddenly imagining a Ginsberg-style fear trap of ourselves, fat, alone, and unloved.

Well, I say fuck the fear-trap (though I wouldn't usually recommend fucking a trap, it's never going to end well), chalk it up to experience, and don't put up with bad sex. The bottom line is that you're wasting your time with someone who doesn't push your buttons, when you could be meeting someone who does, and where's the logic in that?